Look. I goes in on vacation.
I eat all the foods I want. I’m not a drinker but I’ll even allow myself a sip of something cute for the occasion. I squeeze my body into a two piece and flaunt on the beach like nobody’s watching because… well…
Nobody knows me in another country. Nobody’s stopping to say “hey, that girl doesn’t have a traditionally beautiful body she sucks.” And if they do, they’re weird. An important rule to remember: everybody’s body is acceptable on vacation.
I like to pack away my insecurities while traveling. While I tug on my clothes at home and constantly shove my already large shirt over my stomach, my tummy is almost fully exposed on vacation. I don’t care if people judge me; they’ll probably never see this face again.
I have a hard time recreating that nonchalance at Home. I’ve struggled with my weight for most of my life and I automatically assume that people are disgusted by the FUPA protruding through my jeans when they see it. But this isn’t high school anymore. I saunter through the downtown streets of where I live. Faces of sepia, caramel, mocha, white, and otherwise shuffle past me as I maneuver my way through the sea of nondescript faces. None of those people know who I am. And even it they do judge me; they won’t remember me in a few minutes.
So, what is the purpose of not maintaining that vacation confidence at home? What – or who – am I really getting down on myself for? Is it my own personal insecurities? Is it theirs?
Why can I be completely OK with my body when I’m surrounded by unfamiliarity but totally insecure when I’m home?
Just something to think about..