BBC #3 (Week Two)

I failed again this week but I’m not as upset about it.

I gained weight this week so, technically, I failed

However, I allowed myself to relax while in the Dominican Republic. The all-inclusive, all you can eat culture of the resort we stayed on gave me the power and permission to let myself go. I ate EVERYTHING. And guess how much weight I gained:

One pound. Uno. Dassit!

When I tell you I ate everything, I mean everything, honey!

Breakfast, lunch, and dinner buffets? I stacked my plates.

Even though I’m finicky about hygiene, I’d fill my napkins with pastries from the display case expertly situated adjacent to the open bar.

Nothing mattered. Especially not my weight.

There probably is something to the notion that weight loss begins in the mind and translates to the body.

Plot Twist!

I just went back and checked BBC#2. I weighed 239 and now I weigh 238. Huh? I actually lost weight! If only y’all knew how much I ate in the DR, this is wild.

Anyways…

Week Three Goals:

  1. Maintain consistent exercise schedule (five days/week).
  2. Practice visualization and manifestation in regards to weight loss (Posts coming soon).
  3. Lose 1.5 lbs.
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BBC #2 (Week One)

So…. Yeah.

This week started out strongly but eventually morphed into a wastebasket filled to the brim with failure.

I started out the week eating healthily. Meal prepping on Mondays saves me a lot of time, money, and energy. I exercised Monday and Wednesday and used Tuesday as a day to catch up on much needed sleep.

Then it happened…

On Thursday, I ventured down to the little convenience store in my office building. No bigger than a walk-in closet, the store provides plenty of items like bottled water, pop (not soda), popcorn, sugary sweets, chips, deli sandwiches, hummus, and the like. I averted my eyes from temptation; pivoting to stare toward the healthy snacks nearest the entryway. But the small wooden rack packed with plastic covered, machine manufactured food items in the back of the store called out to me. I struggled, lifted up one leg to pull myself toward the items I needed to fulfill my body. But I gave in. The culprit:

A “Greek Yogurt”Double Chocolate Chip Muffin

I put the Greek Yogurt in quotes because that’s typically only added to make the item seem healthier. It isn’t. Don’t fall for it. It’s still a packaged muffin pumped with preservatives, sugars, simple carbs, and 580 calories. There’s nothing nutritious about a packaged muffin. Nothing, I tell you.

So, yeah. I gave that muffin what it was asking for and felt like shit immediately after eating it. I tried to make myself feel better about it by convincing myself that I was taking my sweet time with it instead of shoving it into my mouth like I always do. I didn’t feel better, though…

After that moment, I had officially barrel-rolled off the wagon.

By Friday, I had already quit my workouts, ate a piece of cake that some a*clown brought in, and began overeating every meal. On Saturday night, I inhaled a batch of mozzarella sticks and a whole small pizza in one sitting before going out to a Halloween party (where, in fact, I saw my ex).

But with that being said, I know I can do this. I’ve lost the weight before; I can do it again.

Consistency is so important at this point of my journey.

Measurable goals could be what I need to implement to get me going.

I need to:

  1. Be consistent. No overeating. Eat slowly.
  2. Workout at least four times/week (even on vacation)
  3. Don’t allow this week’s vacation to throw you off balance. You’re stronger than temptation no matter the setting.
  4. Lose 1.5 pounds this week

End of Week One Weight: 239 lbs (3 pound gain)

Week Two Goal: 237.5 lbs

Meditation: A Very Basic Guide

I used to think meditation was stupid. Spoiler Alert: I was wrong.

Defined as the act of engaging in mental exercise (such as concentration on one’s breathing or repetition of a mantra) for the purpose of reaching a heightened level of spiritual awareness (Merriam-Webster, mf), meditation has become a very popular subject as modern Western society shifts into a collective mindset where self-care is made a priority. I could provide some type of scientific insight on how meditation affects the hypothalamus and enhances your overall sexual responsiveness but really, who could care?
Regular meditation has influenced my life in so many ways. It has:
  1. Allowed me to focus on the present moment rather than let my anxiety push me toward worrying about the “what hasn’t even happened yet and may never happen.”
  2. Given me permission to clear my mind in the morning to create positive thoughts for the upcoming day and clear my mind in the evening to relax for bed. As someone that used to have trouble falling asleep at night, putting my phone aside to take three minutes and focus on my controlled breathing has changed the game.
  3. Caused me to sit and chill before losing my shit on those who try my precious patience. We’ve all been tried before (sometimes repeatedly) and it’s so easy to make a snap decision to let them have the first piece of your mind. However, meditation has allowed me to develop a heavily curated clapback that the other party so graciously deserves.
When I bring up meditation to any of my friends the first response that they give is usually, “I don’t know how to meditate.”
Girl, name a human that came out of the womb already in the Lotus position and began “OHMMM”-ing to clear their baby consciousness?!

You must learn the meditation technique that works for you and practice it regularly.

This is the technique I used when I first began meditating:

  1. I only meditated for a short period of time. 2-4 minutes (or even less) is perfect if you’re just starting out.
  2. I sat on the floor of my bedroom with my legs crossed (or directly in front of me), positioned my back comfortably against the bed, and placed my palms face down on my knees. I could lie and tell you I sat completely straight but my posture is awful so I’m not going to do that. Me and My God are working on this S-back, don’t you damn worry about it!
  3. I set a timer in my phone for 3 minutes. Sometimes I turn on some calming music without words (look up “meditation music” on YouTube, Spotify, Apple Music, etc.) and sometimes I sit in complete silence. Both are effective. I close my eyes and begin.
  4. Immediately, I establish an intention for the meditation to remain focused throughout. Usually, my intention is to “clear my mind and begin/end my day with discernment.”
  5. I inhale through my nose for 4 counts (a completely straight back makes this easier). Usually, I try to imagine that I’m literally inhaling positive energy; like it’s a physical property that can be seen (picture it as a blue smoke if you’re extra like me).
  6. I hold in that energy for about 7 seconds, allowing the positive energy to metaphorically fill my body.
  7. I then exhale any negative energy (picturing it as a red smoke) and allow it time to exit my body. I audibly exhale from my mouth to expel the negativity. I relax every muscle in my body: from my shoulders to my neck, stomach, legs, and down to my toes.
  8. I repeat until the timer goes off. I always make sure that the alarm tone is something soothing because if it was that damn iPhone alarm sound, I’d lose my shit.
Remember:
  • I’m no expert on any of this. This is just my experience with this topic and my way of sharing it. That’s what this website is about. If you want expertise, catch it somewhere else, girl.
  • iOS apps like Headspace and Stop, Breathe & Think offer guided meditations that work well for beginners. I preferred the latter over the former for no discernible reason but, presently, I don’t use apps at all. I’ll probably delve more into guided meditation later but she’s a long one already.
  • It’s OK if outside thoughts pop into your mind during your session. I’m sure the most seasoned meditator would tell you that outside thoughts continue to invade their sessions. When it happens, DO NOT chastise yourself: this doesn’t help you to improve your skills or create positive thinking. Gently remind yourself of your intention and refocus on your breathing.
  • Meditation is a practice. If you practice regularly, you will get better. Let go of your perfectionism and allow yourself peace.

I once felt skeptical about meditation. Hell, I thought it was hippy bullshit for most of my life. However, I love meditation now. I had to go through some really terrible situationships to recognize that I needed something to clear my mind of all of the thoughts that don’t serve or enhance me.

Also, I recognize that this post is VERY long.

Happy meditating!

Girl, What Weight Loss Journey?

I’ve been overweight for most of my life. How long does a weight loss journey last, girl? 20 years? I want OUT!

So, about me:

  • I’ve been overweight since I was six years old.
  • I was a daily binge eater throughout middle school and high school. I refused to eat during the day but then would go to town on ramen noodles, cookies, cakes, and any other type of processed food when I got home. I HATED my body and knew nothing about nutrition because they didn’t teach it in school. I had one health class in middle school and then nothing else. Like, what kind of shit is that?! Is it too much to teach personal finance and consistent health/wellness to middle/high school kids? Just basic life skills, right? Whatever so yeah, I was a binge eater and I didn’t even know that represented an eating disorder until recently.
  • I gained close to 40 lbs in college by eating Wendy’s, personal (and not-so-personal) pizzas, and Chipotle daily and also not lifting even a pinky toe for exercise.
  • I graduated and moved out on my own. I taught myself about nutrition and lost 30 lbs.
  • I then experienced two very toxic situationships and gained 20 lbs back.
  • I’m presently a yo-yo dieter lost in the sauce and I allow myself to binge on sweets and carbs because I feel like I deserve them.

I love to peruse YouTube for weight loss tips and motivation and I constantly see videos from women who have already lost the weight. While those are helpful (and absolutely necessary), where are those like me that are presently going through it? I’m so proud of those women, don’t get me wrong but where is the girl that struggles with it and obsesses over their weight every second of every day?

“Can I eat this and just work it off later?”

“I can’t wait to wear a crop top. I’m sick of my stomach.”

“I need to do better. I’ll get back on track tomorrow”

Shit’s hard, yo. It’s taken me 26 years to recognize that my mind does all of my bidding and that I haven’t learned to self-motivate because I never even knew that it was attainable. So now it’s hard to upgrade my mindset and get positive to stay positive. There has to be someone out there like me.

Truthfully, the purpose of this blog is for my own outward accountability: to be mindful consistently, to bless myself with a healthy body, and to stick to my goals. Posting this shit on the Internet for anyone to see could be a game changer for me and could also motivate someone else in the process. If one person reads my ranting and gets something positive from it, I’ve done my job.